Where does the success of "Married at First Sight" come from?

The fifth season of Married at First Sight broke ratings records; the final episode featured a live wedding; and a spin-off called Second Weddings was launched. There are things... And what if I told you that, despite being a fan of the show, the only thing I've watched this season was the Extremely Unpleasant episodes (#prayforjoanamarques)? I know, I know, a shock. But what I propose today is a reflection on the show (the big questions I'm bringing to the table), and I'm fully qualified to do so.

As a true reality TV hipster , I'm from the time when SIC Mulher aired the first season of Married at First Sight Australia , one of the most popular versions—around 10 years ago, I'd say. Excited by this discovery, I remember telling my very patient friends: "You won't believe it. Guys actually get married. To people they've never met, chosen by people they don't know!" Ten years later, countless seasons later, and a Portuguese adaptation later, here's what I have to say.

Speaking of the format itself, I apologize in advance for the language, but it seems to me that this is the right word: they messed it up. The first season of the Australian version has six episodes, SIX. The most recent, from what I saw on IMDB, has forty. FORTY. The "engaged couples" in the first seasons of MAFS Australia (as it is affectionately known by fans) seemed to really want to get married, and the "experts" seemed really keen to find them a suitable partner, which assumed that, at the very least, those chosen were decent human beings.

I haven't seen all the seasons, but in the most recent ones—the one I did watch—the casting was a veritable mixed bag that demonstrated, in no uncertain terms, just how toxic people can be in relationships. It's not that this isn't a portrait of the relationship pool today, or ever, except that gender roles were completely unequal, so even toxicity is a right. It may be a controversial statement, but I find it hard to dispute when a woman's central goal in life was to avoid becoming an aunt. Therefore, while this may be a self-proclaimed social experiment, it completely fails to achieve its purpose: helping singles achieve a happy, healthy, and reciprocal romantic relationship.

The Portuguese adaptation, however, went straight to the bone. If it's drama people want, it's drama they'll get. The suspension of disbelief—which is to say, some shred of faith the more romantic viewer has that those people will eventually get along—doesn't survive the test of time, with very few exceptions. To be more precise, over the five Portuguese seasons, 36 couples made vows in sickness and in health, and only 5 didn't euthanize their marriage while the cameras were still rolling. These aren't good statistics. But would things change with a psychological lashing, sticking with the football analogy, or is it not the coaching staff's fault, but the players' on the field? Or the rules of the game? To be completely honest, I think the answer is: all of the above.

There are people who go for fame and are as emotionally available as a widowed meerkat. Did you know that meerkats are so monogamous that if they become widowed and try to force another partner on them, they'll get the measles? I don't know if this is true or a myth, but a guy wearing a biologist's hat once told me this on an organic farm, and I chose to believe it. There are also people who entrust the choice of a partner to someone else because, given their resume, they're not qualified to do it. And then if the creature is three centimeters shorter than desired or doesn't fit into a Zara size M (which is actually an XS), it's a shame, and I'm done playing. There are also people who are truly invested and treat the program as a true social experiment, as it was designed, and not a Daniel Oliveira trump card to put Cristina Ferreira back in the saddle, which is what it is. And they also need to draw someone who's up to it.

According to PORDATA… If I were a journalist, I'd have a paragraph beginning like this in all my articles. I find it sophisticated and credible, two things I'm not. Nor am I a journalist, contrary to what they'll always say in the comments section. I have several portfolios, none of them professional, and some are even of rather questionable taste. But where would I go? Do you see why I couldn't be a journalist? According to PORDATA, the probability of divorce in Portugal is around 33%. Does that seem like a lot to you? Does it seem like a little? To me, who's already surpassed the average length of marriages that end in divorce—18 years—it seems immense. This means that one in three couples end up unable to even smell the pheromones they once chose as their life's air freshener. Even so, we who choose the traditional route and take responsibility for our choices are still giving a run for our money to the couples on SIC, who have a 14% success rate.

A final, divisive question, to take to therapy, to include in the census (exaggerated is my middle name): what do people like to see more? "They lived happily ever after" or a bride who faints when she sees her groom? Newlyweds throwing themselves at each other's tracheas like patrol dogs in Boom, and the occasional adultery, with the wedding ring still not quite on their finger? Since we're on the subject of percentages, I'm leaning toward 30%-70%, but this isn't a PORDATA number, it's what's called "suppose" (read with the wrong syllable). If only because there must be a lot of good people watching and thinking, "We're not doing so badly after all" or "So, am I not doing well being single?"

Perhaps this explains how broad the audience seems to be—at this point, I'd venture to say, much wider than a Big Brother . Because not everyone imagines themselves trapped in a house 24/7, but generally speaking, everyone has fallen in love, and many times, not a few—quite often, even—with the wrong person. In fact, that's the secret of these types of formats. Who hasn't, from their couch, said, "If it were me, I would..." and many times? As if allowing the viewer to give the answer they should have given to that creature from the past who once suggested it was time to hit the gym, because gravity is unforgiving.

Like 90% of adaptations, the Portuguese version of Married... is much longer, has diaries that repeat the TV episodes ad nauseam , and includes a host, unlike the original format. And it seems to me that one thing is intrinsically linked to the other. Because it's much easier to get carried away with a host, especially if she's as consensually likable as Diana Chaves. Diana Chaves, despite being drop-dead gorgeous , doesn't create distance. She's friendly, seems genuine, and doesn't seem to judge the couples, even if they're digging a hole of Homeric proportions from which they won't be able to get out, not even with the help of Civil Protection. And every now and then, her expression represents us, those of us on the aforementioned couch, enraged, yelling at the top of our lungs: "You should have already been kicked..." Yes, I use grandmotherly expressions; I think we'd already established that.

Interestingly, unlike the derbyization of recent Big Brother , Casa dos Segredos , and hybrid formats invented in Queluz, the opinion is usually unanimous: the villains are equally villainized, regardless of age, gender, or social class. The cute couples (very few, to be honest) are cherished by almost everyone, and some half-assed characters we love to hate become punchlines across the board. TVI makes more money from the teams and the fanaticism of the contestants, and considering the television advertising crisis, this is no small argument.

What's certain is that on the same day Luís Gonçalves (who had half the world insulting the other half on X) won BB24 and 100,000 euros, the season finale of Married... won the ratings battle, which is historic. Never before had a finale of the world's biggest reality show finished first. I've always said, and it won't be the last time I say it, that the secret to these shows is simple: casting . Married at First Sight is no exception, with a slight twist : the further away they are from the ideal candidate's profile, the more posts SIC can publish to make TVI jealous. I think it's toxic; they should go to couples therapy.